against fame

I'm trying to withdraw from any interest in celebrities. The entire notion seems dangerous. I cannot determine what good thing comes out of finding out whether Britney's wedding was "real" or not. I'm clearly not fully addicted, as I had to spell check Britney on Google (originally had two Ts in there), but all the same, the more I inquire into the habits of celebrities, the more boring I feel myself to be. The more jealous I am of others' ability to acquire celebrity status. The more competitive I feel in comparison to my friends. The more downhearted I feel about my singing. The less able I am to be creative. The tie between youthful beauty and celeberity is also more and more painful here on the other side of 40. There is an age + weight math that, when exceeded, can make you publicly invisible, at least in NYC. When I weighed 30 pounds more, people used to bump into me more on the street, the subway, stores. And not because of there was more of me to confront. Because I mattered less.